here I am

last 4.something months

2008-12-05T23:12:00.000-08:00

so welcome back....i m back with my new post...last 4 months and some days of my life. so many changes had happened in my life.now i m software developer with newgen inc.[:D]
its very confusing whether i m really developing some software kind of thing or playing with already developed software.its not only my situation but most of us who graduated from iiit with dreams of developing software and doing some coding shoding n all that.nothing to worry abt,we all have accepted the situation.we are happy with wht we r doing rite now as market is all time low in d history of mankind.people are jobless,even most of them sitting ideal in home wid some tension.we r fortunate comparably.this job business is shit!!

changes are inevitable in life. in last some months i saw many changes.from beginning in july i lost my love but got my friend back out of that love.in august convocation hues (refer *)..in september restless job.october bring festival and my little nephew.november with cocktail of khushi n gham.now hoping for december to rock on!!

from last some months i also learnt how difficult is to manage ur life.u have to manage office, home, relations and money.even 24k salary is not enough 4 me.so i place myself in low class in financial level and it can be justified.

i m a optimist so i hope best things for my life ahead.last 4 months was mixed blend of khushi n gham as they r two sides of same coin. but still i say.....

...pichhle 4 mahino mene khoya....kabhbi khud pe hasa me..kabhi khud pe roya...

*http://innominate-iam.blogspot.com/2008/08/convocation-hues.html
*http://koustubhkulkarni.blogspot.com/2008/08/convocation-hues-ii.html

Jaane Tu......ya jaane naa

2008-07-08T14:18:00.000-07:00

do we really know what we want from our life....we sometime feel we dont want this but what happens...after some time when we are going to loose that thing then we come to know we really want that........but now what could be done for that......hardly you can cry for that.....for no use.....Is it human nature...specially in male.......you realize very late about something your need.....Jaane Tu ya jaane naa......

thing could be any thing in life viz love........sometimes you think "i love her"...but on the other hand you are still in a delima....you are not decided about your so called love........one day you came to know that your love is going away.....far very far......you are not her prime concern from now onwards....... so what would you do now.......helplessly cry......for the mistakes you have only done in past......mistake :: you didnt accepted before and never expressed your feelings.......now what????.....Jaane Tu ya jaane naa......

just 2 yrs before i thought life is very easy...live it up.......you can express every thing easily......but now i know thing are not so easy as we think......expressing your feelings is very important......but how?????......Jaane Tu ya jaane naa......

गुस्सा वीनाश की जड़ है !!!

2008-06-08T07:10:00.000-07:00

मुझे ये बात बचपन से समझाई गई "गुस्सा वीनाश की जड़ है" ...... क्या मैं इस बात को वास्तव मे समझ पाया ..... शायद नही ...... तो क्या मुझे बहुत गुस्सा आता है । हाँ मुझे गुस्सा आता था जब मैं छोटा था ..... बहुत आता था .... हर छोटी छोटी बात पे आता था ...... लेकीन जैसे जैसे मैं बड़ा होता गया गुस्सा कम हुआ और शायद ख़त्म ही हो गया था .....
लेकीन पीछले एक साल से मेने महसूस कीया की मुझे फीर से गुस्सा आने लगा है.......बहुत ज्यादा....शायद इतना ज्यादा की मैं अपने लोगो को ...जीन से मैं बहुत प्यार करता हूँ ...उन्हें भी दुःख देने लगा.....वो भी अपने गुस्से के कारण.......
तो आज क्या हुआ है मुझे जो मैं ये सब लीख रहा हूँ ..... शायद मेने अपने कीसी बहुत ही करीबी को दुखी कीया है..... शायद कीसी ऐसे को जीस को मैं दुनीया की सारी खुशिया देना चाहता हूँ। लेकीन ये मेने क्या कीया....उसी का दील दुखा दीया....... क्यों मेने अपना गुस्सा नही दबाया .....क्यों मेने उसे नही मनाया ........ क्यों मेने उसे वो सब बोला .... क्यों मेने उस के बारे में एक बार भी नही सोचा ...... आखीर क्यों ....... कहाँ था मेरा प्यार जो मुझे रोक नही पाया ...... कहाँ थी मेरी अन्तर आत्मा जो खड़ी खड़ी देखती रही ये सब ..... कहाँ था मेरा भगवान् जो मुझे सद बुद्ह्ही नही दे पाया ......
शायद ये सब थे मेरे पास ..... लेकीन गुस्से ने इन सबको दबा दीया ..... मुझे कुछ भी सोचने का मौका ही नही दीया.....मुझे एक अपांग बना दीया......और मैं दूर हो गया अपनों से .....कल तक जो मेरे पास थे ....जो मेरे थे ....जो मुझसे प्यार करते थे .....आज सब दूर है.......कोई नही है......बस मैं अकेला हूँ।
इस गुस्से ने केवल मेरे अपने को ही दुखी नही कीया......बल्की मुझे ....मेरे प्यार को.....मेरी अन्तर आत्मा को....मेरे भगवान् को भी......
आज मैं केवल उन सब से माफ़ी माग सकता हूँ......हो सकता है मैं माफ़ी लायक भी नही......
लेकीन अपने आप से एक वादा कर सकता हूँ की " आज से गुस्सा नही चाहे कुछ भी हो "..........े

my first blog

2008-05-23T11:43:00.000-07:00

so here I am......after a long thinking process i m ready to write my first blog...........

well i never understand why so many pple write blogs............the blog i read till now are of my frnds only { anu n kou }........so after reading their blog I got some reason behind writing the blogs...... reasons which i came up is that [plzz don think i have found something big to win nobel] they write blogs when they r alone and they want to share their thoughts....or they are depressed.....frustrated.......or they feel lonely at times........

.....so what u pple thinkign on..........am i depressed now or frustrated or lonely...................
wel for me.......none of the condition applies.........

I am writing coz my wonderful frnd "annu" insisted (not really....encouraged) ........
but really i always wanted to write somehting like this......coz there are times when i feel highly "depressed frustrated lonely"..........there are times when u want to say so many things to a person (may bad or gud) but u cant.........so its better to pull off the shit of mind on to a pad......and then.....wao what a relief!!!!!!